The Naads Bulletin

Twenty-three sessions. Twenty-one hours and seventeen minutes. Seven thousand nine hundred and four kilocalories burned, which the desk has converted into roughly eleven of her signature burgers and a modest amount of Greek yoghurt.

The headline act was Sunday: one hundred and thirty-seven minutes on court, average heart rate 159, maximum 202, strain 20.2, 1,272 kcal. The desk would like it noted that 202 is a number most humans only see on a monitor somebody else is wearing. She also logged a 139-minute tennis block that same day, then walking, then more activity, presumably because the day was going too well and needed ruining.

Saturday added 103 minutes, Friday chipped in 37, and the rest of the week filed in behind like a polite queue. Note the small print: nearly every session was tennis, and the walking appears to be the only place she goes slowly.

The ladder is unmoved at number two in Bedfordshire 14U on 1,615 points. No lead, no panic, no movement — a holding pattern with teeth.

The wall received zero new notes, and the arcade saw zero scores posted, so the audience of 509 watched in silence. A photo of a birthday cake from last month has been promoted to photo of the week anyway, which is what happens when nobody submits anything.

If the diary is this busy in October, the next target is simple: keep the sessions coming and make somebody else do the running.